Scene: Me sitting at dining room table, cooling down after a brutal *snort* workout on Wii Fit. Phone rings. Check caller ID: Husband at work.

Me: Hi, what’s up?

Husband: Well–

Me: Uh oh.

Husband: Have I got a deal for you.

Me: Uh oh.

Husband: It’s a way you can keep me in a manner in which I’d like to get used to.

Me: You’ve found a way to sell thousands of copies of my book?

Husband: No. I want to buy a bobcat with Linee and Jason.

Me: Not the predatory mammal kind, I assume.

Husband: No, the front end loader kind. We can use it for snow removal, and to fix the gully in the driveway, and to recontour the parking area so it doesn’t flood every spring, and–

Me: How much?

Husband: Only two, maybe three grand.

Me: (choking on water) Only?

Husband: If it’s still available.

Me: I see.

Husband: Can you bring me the checkbook?

Me: (long suffering sigh) Sure. I’ll be there in half an hour.

In Alaska, particularly here in the boonies, there is little call for zippy red sports cars, and having an affair would soon become public knowledge in a place where everyone knows everyone else’s business. So as far as a midlife crisis goes, this one at least has a practical side.

Any bets on what the next request might be?