What Am I Thinking?

Posted on December 13, 2010 by

My husband and I have been together too long.

We’ll be celebrating our 19th anniversary this February. (Actually, our 4 3/4th anniversary. Work it out ; ) The number of years isn’t the issue. It’s how we rarely have to say a word yet still know what’s going on in each other’s heads. We can sit in a room watching TV, or listening to the kids’ conversations, and some phrase or topic will come up. We just have to look at each other and we’ll both smile knowingly. We can spend hours in a room or in a car together and exchange no more than a dozen words, but not feel awkward or like we need to fill the silence.

But the other day took the proverbial cake.

Hubby was in Anchorage for several days. He had a meeting or two to attend and did some Christmas shopping as well. I’d given him a list of the few items I wanted for the girls and knew he’d add to it as well as pick up stocking stuffers. While he was away, he called to confirm that I hadn’t thought up anything to add. Nope, I’m good, I said. See you in a couple of days.

The day before he came home, I was watching our eldest daughter play World of Warcraft and thought back to my high school and college days as a Dungeons and Dragons role-playing game geek. We’ve told the girls about these old school pencil, paper and dice games, and they were intrigued. In a time when video stimulus is the norm, the actual use of imagination is rare. Both our girls are chock full of imagination, and I thought maybe it would be fun to introduce them to the world of Dungeons and Dragons some day. Something came up, as it usually does, and my mind went on to other things.

Then Hubby returned from the Big City the following day. Guess what he had bought the day before? Yep! A D&D starter set. I was floored. We had not said two words about the game in months and months while in the same room, yet here he was holding up a familiar box and smiling. I sputtered and told him that I had just been thinking about it. He laughed, but I think he was a little freaked out too.

There are great advantages to having a loved one know you so well you don’t have to explain yourself or try to suss out what, exactly they are thinking. On the other hand, I wonder what I think he *doesn’t* know that he really does….

Posted in on my mind | 8 Comments

The Other Woman

Posted on November 24, 2010 by

Her name is Peggy, and I’m damn tired of her getting all kinds of perks while I have to do the drudge work around the house. She goes to movies and restaurants with Hubby. She is the goody-two-shoes who supports public television and radio. She even sent papers off to the title company when we refinanced our house. That Peggy! If I ever meet her, I’m gonna punch her in the nose. But I never will. In fact, no one will, not even Hubby.

Let me explain. Peggy is a mistype on some paperwork as well as a figment of my husbands imagination (more on that in a minute). It all started when Hubby was giving to the local public radio station. He’d put both our names on the form, but for some reason the person who entered the info renamed me Peggy. And so the Other Woman was born.

We kept getting donation reminders in her name. Even a phone call or two. And without knowledge of that clerical error, an old office manager I had, whom I didn’t like, tried to get my attention by calling out Peggy (he knew my real name but was befuddled that day). I ignored him even though I knew EXACTLY who he wanted. Why yes, I can be a b****.

But Peggy isn’t limited to paperwork and befuddled coworkers. She has been around for a while so it shouldn’t be a surprise when she horns in on my life. Or rather, the life I wish I had.

(Trailer for film now out on DVD comes on television)

Hubby: Oh, that was a really good movie. Remember the part–

Me: I’ve never seen it.

Hubby: Sure you have. We went after eating at that new restaurant in Anchorage.

Me: (giving him cocked eyebrow of distain)

Hubby: Oh, yeah. That must have been Peggy.

Me: I hate her.

So, Peggy, I hope you’re enjoying yourself. But do us both a favor. Load the dishwasher or vacuum once in a while. I can’t blame the lack of clean forks on you forever.

Posted in on my mind | 7 Comments

What a Deal!

Posted on November 18, 2010 by

I’ve been sitting on some news for nearly two weeks, waiting until things were more “official.” My lovely agent Natalie Fischer posted this, so it looks like we’re a go : ) Carina Press made an offer on Bad Girl! Yay!

Excited doesn’t describe how I’ve been feeling for the past twelve days. I simply can’t believe it at times. I know the real work has yet to begin (edits will be coming soon), and I’m sure I’ll question my sanity for ever starting down this road. But for now, all I can say is WOW!

And a huge thanks to my crit partners Sharron and Jody. Because without them there would be no Bad Girl. Without them encouraging me and kicking my butt, I would have quit writing a long time ago. So thank you my friends! You are the best!

OK, back to the wip so I can show Natalie and Carina I’m more than a one hit wonder 😉

Posted in SFR, writing | 12 Comments

Whiplash

Posted on November 13, 2010 by

On the very same day I was making arrangements for our furry friend Holly (previous post), I received the best news in my fledgling career. Never have I laughed and cried so much in the same afternoon, the same hour. I got my head on straight enough to send out emails, but mostly spent the weekend mentally exhausted, weepy, and waiting.

One of my emails resulted in an agent asking to see the full manuscript of my science fiction romance Bad Girl. In a couple of days, I received an update from her that she was half way through and really enjoying the story. I couldn’t believe it. I dared to hope, because that’s what we writers do when we aren’t waiting anxiously or, here’s a thought, writing. The agent made an offer for representation, and after a few more emails and a lovely conversation (she is so nice!), I am pleased to announce I’ve signed with Natalie Fischer of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency. Yay!

The Universe is never short on surprising, seemingly random events, where the stars align and good fortune befalls us on the heels of such sorrow. Usually, and thankfully, such diametric events don’t occur at the same time, but I’ll take the emotional roller coaster over bland sameness any day. Well, not today. I need to write.

Posted in SFR, writing | 8 Comments

Holly

Posted on November 7, 2010 by


Recently, I wrote about our dog, Holly, her losing a leg to cancer, and her amazing ability to bounce back and get on with life as if nothing was amiss. She was her happy self, smiling, I swear, as she bound across the yard or played mama to a friend’s high-energy pup. Unfortunately, things took a bad turn, as these things tend to do.

Less than a week ago, Holly began having trouble standing. She could do it, but you could see there was something going on. Then she had trouble with the three stairs leading up to our house. Within days, she couldn’t walk, couldn’t even stand on her own.

My husband had to leave on a research cruise–out of town and out of reliable communication range. I was on my own. We’d discussed the inevitable, but our vet was in his other location, and there was no one else in town to turn to when the time came. I prayed Holly could hold on until Hubby got back.

Then it got to the point where I had to lift Holly to bring her outside and stand there holding her up, encouraging her to relieve herself. Her brown eyes asked why I was encroaching on her “private business” yet she seemed grateful for my touch and support. I’d haul her back inside, lay her down on her bedding and we’d collapse, both of us exhausted and frustrated and unhappy. So unhappy. She deserved more than relying on me to get her outside. She deserved to be freed from the pain that made her shake and whimper, even when lying still.

I called my husband yesterday morning, Friday, leaving a message that Holly was in very bad shape, that the vet wasn’t available, that no one was, that I was at a loss for what to do. I had kids and other animals to tend. How was I supposed to give our furry friend a peaceful end to her pain?

I headed into work on the verge of tears, holding it together for my kids. They saw the difficulty Holly was having, and the stress of taking care of her was taking its toll on me as I got short with them. I apologized frequently for my behavior, but I’m not sure it helped.

Friday afternoon, I was done with work and about to go home when one of the office ladies handed me a phone message. One of Hubby’s coworkers had called regarding the dog. I realized Hubby must have called or emailed her and explained the situation, asked for help when I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

At home, I returned the call and spoke to Nancy. Her take-charge attitude and soft voice assured me that there were people to help. That she and her husband could take Holly to Valdez if I wanted. That if I went, Penny and Linee would stay with the girls so they wouldn’t have to go with me or be alone for the day. The ferry schedule was tight, however, arriving at Valdez at 11:45 then returning to Cordova at 1:15. Not a lot of time, but enough if weather didn’t hamper the voyage.

Knowing it was what I had to do, I called the vet in Valdez and explained the situation. He wasn’t normally open on Saturdays, but would come in under the circumstances. I called the ferry terminal here. They assured me that I would have time to run into town at Valdez, take care of Holly, then make it back onto the ferry for the return trip. The crew would be made aware of my situation and I wouldn’t miss the boat.

It was settled. I looked into Holly’s brown eyes and cried. In my head, I knew this was the best thing for her. In my heart, I knew it was unfair to put her through so much but it hurt, oh it hurt, to think about losing her. When the kids came home from school, we sat on the floor near Holly and I told them what we had to do. We cried. We told stories about getting her and her “Goomba sister” Bailey when the girls were little. How Holly used to jump the five foot fence that surrounded our house in Oregon. How Bailey, much skinnier then, used to follow and we’d chase the dogs through the neighborhood. We laughed and remembered. And we knew we’d never, ever forget.

Last night, we all slept on the living room floor beside Holly. I gave her an extra dose of pain meds to help her rest, knowing the side effects were moot. This morning, Penny came over to help load Holly into the car and stay with the girls for a little while until Linee and her son could keep them company. We all cried again and the girls said their good-byes.

I checked in at the ferry terminal and was once again assured the captain and crew knew what was happening. Monica, the clerk, handed me a little dog treat. “I know how tough this is.” She’s lived her for a while. I’m sure she knew exactly what I was going through, as did all of the wonderful folks who jumped in to help us.

The ferry ride was uneventful. Hubby called to make sure the boat had sailed because the weather had been iffy. He would be out of range again until Sunday and we’d talk again then.

At the Valdez terminal, I was met by a woman named Donna who has worked with Nancy and my husband. She got in my car and showed me how to get to the vet’s office. Valdez isn’t a large town, but it was great to have someone there to lean on.

The vet, Kelly, pulled up just as we did. He carried Holly inside and gently laid her on the floor. We chatted a bit then I filled out some required paperwork. He went into the back and returned with a syringe of yellow liquid. The sedative would relax Holly prior to administration of the drug that would actually stop her heart. I could stay until the very end or leave after the sedative took effect, whatever I felt more comfortable with. I wasn’t sure, and time was an unfortunate factor. He assured me she would feel nothing once the sedative kicked in.

He gave her the shot and Holly laid her head down as I stroked her soft ears. Her eyes were wide open and she looked around at the strange surroundings. I spoke to her, cried some more, told the vet and Donna about some of her antics. After ten minutes, she was still more interested in the clinic than closing her eyes. Not reluctant, just curious about where she was and these two new people—her new friends, because everyone was Holly’s friend. The vet gave her a second shot. Within minutes, her eyes closed and her breathing became regular. No longer quivering or whimpering with pain, no longer looking at me with confusion and frustration in her soft brown eyes. I cried on her big rottie head and whispered my good-byes. “Good puppy.”

I couldn’t bring myself to watch Kelly give her that final injection, the one that would stop Holly’s heart. I wanted to remember her in a peaceful sleep, perhaps dreaming of chasing squirrels or licking the girls’ faces.

Donna, also crying, walked outside with me and we returned to the ferry terminal. She drove and waited with me until it was time to load. Here was a woman I’d never met before, who knew my husband just a little, but was willing to go through almost as much emotional stress because of the commonality of our love for our animals. We said good-bye and I told Donna she and her husband had to visit us under more cheerful circumstances. I hope she takes me up on it.

I’m so grateful to all the people who got us through this difficult time, friends old and new, people I’d never met, who made Holly’s passing a little easier.

Returning home with Holly’s collar on the seat beside me, I was exhausted. Only one dog greeted me when I walked in the door. Bailey seemed confused, and looked past me. Where was her sister? I gave her a hug and cried some more.

It’ll be strange not to wake up to Holly’s smiling face or pat her big head when I come home. It’ll seem odd to call only one dog in. I’m sure I’ll call Bailey the wrong name now and again and feel the pang of loss. My girls or I will tear up, and we’ll all hug and sob then remember some funny thing about Holly and feel a little better.

Not much compares to the love and memories generated by our relationships with animals, and despite the pain of losing them we seem compelled to have them in our lives. We gave Holly the best life we could and a peaceful passing. I know she’s somewhere in doggie heaven, smiling, four legs flying as she chases a forest full of squirrels.

Good puppy.

Posted in Alaska, critters, on my mind | 10 Comments

The Accidental Convert

Posted on October 29, 2010 by

My husband travels a lot. He also reads quite a bit while traveling, due to many hours on airplanes (it takes a good long time to get Outside from here) and being cooped up in hotel rooms when not meeting with colleagues. Quite often, he’ll buy books in airport bookstores. Recently, he returned home with a number of new purchases.

Me (perusing cover with scantily clad female in red leather): Um, Hon? Whatcha reading?

Hubby (dismissively): Some fantasy. It has vampires and werewolves.

Me: Uh huh. It’s an Urban Fantasy, not the stuff you normally read.

Hubby (defensively): It was in the Science Fiction section.

Me: It says on the spine “Urban Fantasy.”

Hubby: That print is too small; I didn’t see it. Anyway, it was in the Science Fiction section.

Me: Yeah, you said that. (I look at the books in his TBR pile) So if your purchase was a “mistake” why did you buy all five books in the series on your next trip?

Hubby (returning to reading book with scantily clad female smooching equally scantily clad male on cover): They’re good. You should try them.

Me (smiling): Uh huh.

I have had a number of Science Fiction Romance and Fantasy Romance and other sort of romance novels on our shelves for months, if not years, and I have yet to convince him that reading them would be worth his while. There are some things he, like many of us, have to “discover” for themselves. So thank you, limited airport bookstore shelves! With any luck, more people will accidentally discover SFR and Fantasy Romance then go on to get their friends and loved ones to give them a try.

Posted in Fantasy, reading, SFR, UF | 3 Comments

Books I’d Love to See Made into Movies (or Maybe Not)

Posted on October 14, 2010 by

Sometimes, I read a book and think, “Wow! That would make a great movie!” In a way, it’s a complement to the author. It means I loved their story so much that I want to see it in another format, see how someone else interprets what I’ve read.

But how many times have I said that then was disappointed by the film? Probably more often than not. Which annoys me to no end. It doesn’t reduce my love of the book, but it does make me wary of movies made from books I haven’t read yet. Watching a less than boffo movie will likely delay, if not suspend, my reading the book. Which is a shame and something I need to remedy.

Lucky for me, we don’t have a movie theater here. But we do have a decent library. Yay! If a book-to-movie does come out, chances are I’ll be able to read the book first. Or buy it at our local, independently owned bookstore. Yay! Or order it online and have it in my hands in a matter of days. Okay, a week. Maybe two, depending on how it’s shipped.

Whenever your favorite stories are put into another person’s hands (ie: director, screenwriter, etc) you are taking chances. All the nuances and subtleties of a novel can’t be expressed in a two hour movie. And not all of them should. You don’t want to bore your audience. You have to go into movies based on books assuming not everything will be in there. And that’s fine. As a reader of the book, you already know the inside info necessary to fill in any holes. It’s when those holes are huge, gaping, confusing chasms that make a novel-to-move transition difficult. Or when someone decides the ending of the original story wasn’t “right” and changes it. What?!?!?

There are some books I’ve read recently that I’d love to see as movies. Maybe. It would depend on who is running the show, but I’d probably still go see them. Or rather, wait until they’re out on DVD. Dang, we need a theater here….

Anyway, a few from my list, in no particular order:

“The Hunger Games,” by Suzanne Collins. Still need to read the other two books, so no spoilers!

“The Little Stranger,” by Sarah Waters. I’ve seen the adaptation of her book “Affinity” and loved it. She has other movies based on her books “Tipping the Velvet” and “Fingersmith” that I really really really need to watch. Really.

“On Basilisk Station,” by David Weber. The first book of a scifi series starring Honor Harrington, one kickin’ ship’s captain. I think it was supposed to have been made into a film but things fell through. Anyone know? The other books in the series would be great too.

The “Titan,” “Wizard,” and “Demon,” books by John Varley. This trilogy knocked my socks off the first two times I read it. The world Varley created begs for visual representation. James Cameron, look out if this ever comes to film.

“Ammonite,” by Nicola Griffith. A thinking woman’s scifi story. The world she created is also amazing, in a different way from Varley, but still, wow!

“Touched by an Alien,” by Gina Koch. A grand mix of action, romance and alien bad guys. Pass the popcorn and hang on.

So what books would you like to see as movies? Which ones would you *not* want to see as movies, too afraid they would be massacred like Custer at Little Big Horn?

Posted in on my mind, reading | 6 Comments

Shine on Harvest Moon

Posted on September 23, 2010 by
Autumnal Equinox already?!?! My, how time flies.
We’ve had a couple weeks of glorious days here in the usually soggy Northlands. Daytime temps in the upper 50s (that’s balmy for us) and a nice snap to the air come evening. After a summer soaking, we deserve to dry out a little before the weather returns to normal. Lucky for us, we’ve actually been able to see the bright, bulging moon up here. (The pic isn’t mine, but snagged from Wikkipedia.)
School is in full swing, which means my dance card as a sub is filling up. I don’t have anything scheduled for October yet, but I know something is coming. It always is. But that’s good. As long as I can discipline myself to write in the evenings (not my favorite or more brain-active times) and weekends I should get the WIP done and some contest judging finished in a timely manner.
Oh, Sharron’s visit was a hoot, and over all too soon. Did some hiking, trekked to the glacier (that is, drove. It’s 40 miles away), wandered about in the delta flats and decided (a) it was waaaay too wet for our footwear, and (b) the potential for bears popping up from the alders scared the bejesus out of us. Sharron was around the morning DH bagged a good-sized cow moose, so she got to watch and participate in skinning and hanging. Messy, but man oh man, that moose tastes good!
We did go to Fish Prom, but were so busy yammering with others (Sharron, I haven’t seen *him* since then : ) that we didn’t get much in the way of photos. The outfits were great. Who knew there’d be so much paisley in our small town? We didn’t stick around for the dancing because we had an early morning departure, but it was a fun night.
So as the weather gets cooler and damper, as our lives settle into routine, as I await word on this or that project, I wish you all a bountiful harvest of whatever you have sown.
Posted in Alaska, on my mind | 8 Comments

This and That

Posted on September 1, 2010 by

School starts in just over a week. I’m much happier about it than the kids, though they are anxious to be able to do something other than chores.

BF Sharron arrives Saturday for what’s going to be an all too brief visit. We will hike around, go see the glacier, and attend the Fish Prom. Details regarding that later.

Holly is doing well. Finishes with her meds today. I’m trying to get in touch with her regular vet, who has another office in another part of the state, but no luck so far. Hopefully he’ll swing by our town soon. It’s still a bit weird to see her with only three legs, but she doesn’t seem bothered.

Diligently working on revisions of Bad Girl. Patiently waiting CPs’ notes so I can resubmit.

Critting some chapters for Melanie. Will get them to you soon!

Mulling the continuation of the current WIP and how to tackle a serious plot hole in a different story. I mean, Mack truck-sized plot hole. Got the characters, got the setting. Logical plot? Not so much. Perhaps it’s time to jettison that line of thought and go elsewhere with it.

That’s what I’m up to. You?

Posted in critters, on my mind, writing | 6 Comments

Dog Days of Summer

Posted on August 22, 2010 by
Before we left on our trip, one of our dogs, Holly, had been limping about. By the time we returned, Hubby told me she was getting worse and hardly using the bum leg at all. We needed to get her to a vet. Our regular vet wasn’t in town, as is his routine this time of year, but I called him and asked for a recommendation in Anchorage. After a few more phone calls, we had an appointment and reservations on the ferry. While in the Big City, we’d do some back-to-school shopping, maybe even take in a movie or two. With Hubby staying home to work and care for the other critters, I packed the kids and dog last Monday and off we went.

We had no idea what was wrong with the dog, figuring she’s tweaked something in the leg and it was healing poorly. There was a ridge along the upper part of her leg that felt, to me, like her shoulder blade was off kilter. But not being a vet, I let the professional make the diagnosis. And what a diagnosis it was. Within 30 seconds of hearing her symptoms and running his hands along both forelimbs, he stated he was 99% sure she had a bone tumor that was more than likely malignant. Blood work and x-rays would confirm that and tell us if the cancer had spread. If it had, Holly would have another 2 to 3 months with us. If it hadn’t spread, amputation would be the way to go. With that and chemo she would probably have another year or so.

Holly is, perhaps, one of the best dogs I’ve ever had. She is one of the two dogs our girls have grown up with and truly bonded to, even though my husband and I had two other dogs when they were little. The idea of losing her to such an insidious disease made me sad and angry. It was no one’s fault, of course, certain breeds are prone to this sort of thing, but I didn’t want MY dog to have to go through it.

I cried as I explained the situation to my girls. Then we were all crying. We waited for the results in the reception area of the clinic, where a very kind tech offered us chocolate. They certainly understand their patients and the families. Never in my life had I prayed that I’d want to amputate an animal’s leg, but that’s what I did that afternoon. Because if the cancer had metastasized, even amputation would have been useless. We would have had to either put her down then and there or deal with her disease and make her as comfortable as possible for the next couple of months so she could die at home with all of her family around her.

Soon enough, the vet came out with x-rays. Heart in my throat, I had the girls wait in reception while I followed the doctor into an exam room to view the films. The tumor surrounded her upper humerus, making it twice as thick as a normal bone. You could almost see the malignancy pulsing from it. Who knew how long it had been growing there. I held my breath as the doctor slid the film of her chest into the viewer. No nodules or masses. Her lungs and chest appeared clean. That didn’t mean the cancer wasn’t in her system, but for the moment it wasn’t present. Taking Holly’s leg would be a good start to keeping her with us a bit longer and out of pain. And that’s what we wanted most of all, to get rid of her pain.

Surgery was scheduled for the following day. We did a little shopping while we waited for the phone call to tell us she was done. I offered to take the kids to a movie, but no one’s heart was in it. How could we enjoy ourselves when our best friend was in surgery? So we picked up a few things for school and home, wandered the mall, waited for the phone to ring. Soon enough, the vet called to say the surgery had gone well, that Holly was starting to come around. We could come pick her up and transport her to another clinic where there was a doctor and techs on site 24 hours a day. They would keep an eye on Holly over night.

When we returned to the clinic, Holly was brought out on a stretcher. She was still very out of it, though her eyes were half open, and her front left quarter was shaved and covered in gauzy bandage. The sight of my big, robust rottweiler-retriever laid out on a stretcher and missing a limb was tough to see, but not as tough as if we would have lost her. The techs brought her to our waiting minivan and we transported her to the other clinic. The folks there assured us that they’d call if anything happened, and that we were welcome to call any time, even late at night, if we wanted.

Even with that assurance, the girls and I were still in no mood to do anything but head back to the house (we were staying at my step-father-in-law’s) and decompress. We did call that evening after dinner and told Holly was doing well. She had almost completely come out of the anesthesia and was sleeping normally. The next morning we called again. The tech and doctor were happy with how things went the night before and we were free to come pick up Holly whenever we wanted.

At the clinic, Holly wasn’t too keen on the linoleum floor and was still a bit wobbly from the pain meds, but with help she made it out to the car. Once back at the house, she laid down outside for a bit before regaining the energy to hobble inside. For the next couple of days, we enticed Holly outside with treats and verbal encouragement. Each day she grows stronger and more sure of herself on three legs.

Back home now, after a ferry ride that ended with a scratched open incision and the donning of the shirt and sock of shame, Holly is getting on well. Though the pain she is going through with her recovery is pretty high, I think she realizes this is a different pain. A better pain, if that’s possible, knowing it’s short-lived. After she’s through her current pain meds and antibiotic, we’ll discuss options with the vet. Chemo may be in her future, depending on circumstances. But no matter what medical situation we may find ourselves in, this family is quite happy to still have its best friend around, no matter how many legs she has.

Holly wearing the tee shirt and sock of shame:

Posted in critters, on my mind | 10 Comments